Pride, be broken.

Driving along in my Monte Carlo
Coming home from school
I was listening to Jesus Culture
The song "Oh Lord, you're beautiful"
Have you ever truly listened to the lyrics?


"I want to take Your Word and shine it all around
But first help me just to live it, Lord
And when I'm doing well, help me to never seek the crown
For my reward is giving glory to You"


I can't mention the number of times I've seeked the crown
Of pride that I'm doing better than someone else
That I'm somehow "Holier" than others
When my sins are just as bad
Just not as evident as some peoples


This song broke me. Have I truly been giving glory to God
and that's a good enough reward?
Or have I just been giving Him lip service
and been expecting so much more than giving the glory to God?


I don't want to go through my life giving lip service. 
The emptiness of that...terrifies me.
I want to give glory to God...
I want every action to glorify Him...


"Oh Lord, please light the fire
That once burned bright and clear
Replace the lamp of my first love
That burns with holy fear"

I want my first love to get the glory He deserves.


I'm human.
I'm not perfect.
I make mistakes.
Please, call me out on it.
Because I want to be
like my Jesus.

Start a Holy Fire!

People say America is going down in flames.

Are we going to accept that like meek little lambs, praying to a God that we think wants to see our demise? Praying “Oh God, prepare us for our destruction. Please don’t let it hurt too much.”

I'm so sick of people saying "You're young. You can't do anything." Baby, we are the revolution. We are world changers. I refuse to let people who want us to fail tell us how we can't change the world. 

You say America is going down in flames?

Nah, it's going up in flames.

In parts around the country, we are seeing God working, we are seeing revival!! America is being consumed by holy fire!

You say America is going down in flames?

You gonna accept that?

As I recall, Abraham changed God's mind. 

Why can't we? 

Moses changed God's mind.

Why can't we?

I refuse to accept that we are mindless little robots that are servants for a God who doesn't care.

He created us to be world changers!

Yes, God is powerful. But he needs our help. Please...please stop sitting on your butts and do something. I am soo guilty of not doing anything. All talk. I'm sick of it. 

And I'm not satisfied with it either.

I refuse to accept that we’re just supposed to get through each day, that we’re only alive to make ourselves happy. 

For we are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. 

We are supposed to pour this love out on others. 

“For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” (Song of Songs 8:6) 

When we show this and lavish this love on others, they can’t help but be consumed by a holy fire; by an ever loving, adoring God. 

We were created for such a time as this. 

We were created to be here, in America, at this moment in time. 

For something so much bigger than us.

So much bigger than our selfish “The world needs to please me” attitude. 

If you are in the middle of a job transition, or just working a job you think is pointless and you don’t know what you want to do with your life…just start up a revolution. All it takes is a little love, a little us, and God. 

We were created to start a revolution, a revival, a holy fire that is going to make the biggest war look like child’s play; except that people are going to be absolutely transformed by His love, not dying from hatred. 

And the fight isn’t against a country, the world. It’s against principalities and the kingdom of darkness. 

We’s gonna kill satan with looove. :-D

The Great Romance...

One of my favorite series of books is the Circle Triology by Ted Dekker. In one part of the books, the little boy is like Jesus and he takes his followers swimming in this lake. The electricity...the love, joy, peace, they experience while in that lake is like basking in God's love for us. It is so ELECTRIC. All of their sins fall away and they want nothing more than to love Jesus and feel his love. (Read those books...Black, Red, and White are the names of the three in the series).


Our relationship with Jesus is just that...a great romance. Yes, he is a King and powerful. But he also has a side that is so incredibly in love with you...you are his princess/prince. "His love like a hurricane, I am a tree." That's how His love for us is.  In His presence, it's like getting wrecked, in an awesome way, by a hurricane. It makes you faint with love for Him. Everything else in this world fades away while experiencing his love. It is...dancing with your lover, walking barefoot along the beach, stargazing and wondering at the majesty of Him. 


My favorite book of the Bible is Song of Songs because it so erotic yet pure. So pure. Jesus' love for us is SO CRAZY INSANE!!! Yet so pure at the same time. All of the blackness, the depression leaves when his love comes into play. 


Let Him romance you. Let him dance with you. Let Him whisper his words of love into your ear and tell you that you are precious...you are beautiful...let religion go, and let the Spirit come. Let Him destroy all other lovers that keep you bound and chained up in depression and sin. 


Just let Him in. Let Him romance you. He will never break your heart, or make you cry (Only in a good way!) or rip your heart to a million pieces. He will never cheat on you. He only gives good. 


Let Him romance you. 

Depression, please cut to the chase and cut a long story short...

I was looking at pictures of when I was very little...you know, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6-10. I was so so so happy. Smiling in every picture. Enjoying life. 


Then I see my teenage years. probably 11-15. I can just feel the darkness pressing down on my again. I was so depressed during those years, it was unbelievable. I didn't like to smile. I was fake. I dressed in baggy jeans and huge shirts, because I was ashamed of my body. Don't ask why I was depressed, because I have no idea. Satan was totally trying to get me down, so depressed that I would be suicidal. I don't remember having any suicidal thoughts, but I thought it would be so much easier if I was a boy. Boys didn't like me. I thought I was ugly, and looking back, I was...on the outside, I made myself look ugly so I wouldn't have to face rejection. On the inside, even more so. Maybe I wanted people to feel sorry for me. I don't know.


All I know is that I am so grateful that I was redeemed. Completely. 100%. 


♥Love you guys.


Off to worship at muh church.:)

Giving and receiving♥

I think...that I like giving better than receiving. Because in the process, I receive so much.


What is this crazy lady talking about? Well, I will tell you, si, mi amores? (I'm in a goofy mood tonight. Forgive me?)


Tonight at youth group was unremarkable until we got to the fire tunnel. Since I'm one of the leaders, we started it. The kids started going through until BAM. Word of knowledge/prophetic word. Cool right? Why am I so happy about this?


I'm finally allowing God to speak through me to other people. I know it's not about the numbers one little bit, but almost everyone who went through the tunnel, I got a prophetic word for. I love doing this. Because when you allow God to work through you, babycakes, you receive SO much more than you give. 


I love watching God work through kids lives. It is amazing to see and I cannot wait to see where God is going to bring our youth group. 1 Peter 2:9. I know He has something big, a revolution planned. and ohh man, am I ready for it!:)


G'night. I'm heading to bed, dying my hair red tomorrow, and heading to my brothers concert. I think it shall be a great day.

Yell, scream, cry...laugh

Tonight before school started, I wanted to shake my head, pound my fists against a wall, and scream at something, preferably God. I wanted to yell "Why God?!" I seriously needed a punching bag tonight. All throughout class, I was praying and barely paying attention to layers in my Digital Darkroom class. I was asking God to take away the pain that I so easily let into my heart. My heart was physically hurting tonight. I didn't know I could care so much...


My point is...it's okay to yell at God. Guaranteed he's not to blame for your problems, but it's okay to yell, scream at God. He can take it. It will sort your emotions out, and then you'll be ready for a good cry. I still need to cry my eyes out. It's coming soon. ha. Can't wait for that one. 


So later on tonight, my friends from class just started making me laugh a lot and I couldn't stop. It was cleansing. It was awesome. Christians should be the most joyful people around! 


As I was driving in my car and listening to some good old rap plus KTIS (what a combination!), I just started smiling the whole time. God is my lover. He LOVES me. Why should I look for acceptance elsewhere? He ADORES me. He loves my laugh, my hair, my eyes. He loves snuggling with me. He loves what makes me laugh, He loves it when I've found a relationship with that special someone and we let Him be a part of it. (Granted...never HAD that kind of relationship, but it's coming (:) He loves it when I have friends that can make me smile anytime. He gave me those friends for a reason. And I adore them. 


Yell, cry, scream, punch something (Preferably NOT a person...or a wall...), but in the end, laughter really is the best medicine. 


I love you guys. and...this may not make sense to anyone at all, but I need to verbally say I forgive you. 


♥

The bitterness that brings death.

If there's one thing that I hate the most that has taken hold of me in the past, it's bitterness. 


Bitterness against family, against friends, against teachers, against God. 


It ruins. It destroys. It takes hold of innocent hearts broken and plans with hatred and spite to turn your tender heart cold and hard. It makes you think that all people are untrustworthy and everyone is out to get you. It makes you paranoid. It makes you...unlovable. To yourself. To your family. You begin to hate yourself. You don't want to get hurt, and no one will be allowed close enough to hurt you.


I would rather feel pain than feel nothing at all. When you don't feel pain, your heart is hardened and cold towards the things of God. No. I want my heart tender, so God can take those things away and plant LIFE. It's gonna hurt. Anything worthwhile is going to. But it is so worth it. Bitterness adds on a weight that I just can't handle. It's so heavy and ugly. 


I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be perfect. I don't WANT to pretend to be perfect. It's too much work. I just want to be like my Jesus the best that I can. I just wanna be free. And my Jesus freed me from that bitterness.


And baby...I ain't going back.

I have fallen in love...

My nephew, Justice David Anthony Mayberry, was born on February 17, 2010 at 12:52 PM via c-section. He is the most handsome baby boy I have ever seen and I'm not prejudiced:) He is such a miracle boy. 

I know he is going to bring change to the world and most definitely to our family. His very name speaks forth of confidence and peace and CHANGE. 

This is my handsome, awesome nephew:)  And God is going to do great things through him. I know it. I pray for it. Every day:)

God bless!

Baby, let's start a revolution.

What if our generation changed the status quo?

What if our generation started loving like we were supposed to?

without selfishness. Without fear. Aboundingly. Without strings attached.

What if we stopped using each other like dolls? What if we actually appreciated each person for who they truly are?

What if our love stopped being meaningless, useless, so incredibly shallow?

What if we started loving with the passion that Jesus had?

What if we were the generation of passionate love, of love so real, so deep, so like Jesus'...that it changed lives?

What if our generation stopped being so dead?

What if our generation was awakened?

What IF...our generation stopped being content with where we are?

What if we stopped being content that we are, it seems, a hopeless generation?

What if we started being the generation that are world changers, a generation that brings hope?

What if we stood up and said NO. What would happen if we stood in the gap?

What if we changed the status quo?

From what we're comfortable in. From what is normal. Let the status quo be changed.

What if the status quo changed from drunkeness, sleeping around, using people, looking for false love, from teenagers in MY city dying in car accidents, with LIFE HAVING NO MEANING....to revival?

To restoration?

To a complete turnaround, where we hunger and thirst for righteousness?

To life being full of meaning, of passion, of love!

to a life that wants a revolution!

I want a revolution in my generation

And I want to change the status quo. It's not gonna happen on it's own.

What if we told others to watch us?

What if other generations started to watch us to see what we would do first?

What would happen?

I'll tell you what would happen.

The enemy will be defeated. And death can't hold us down. Because the victory is won, and baby, it's not satan who's the winner.

  Let's change the status quo.

♥

From a cracked heart...

I'm one of those girls who has dreamed of the guy she was going to marry since I was 5. I think I honestly skipped the whole "Boys have cooties" stage.:) (Being an early bloomer kinda sucks.)No, I'm not the type to plan my wedding before I even meet the guy. But ever since I was 5...I've dreamed (sometimes literally) of a man so in love with Jesus. That was the one prerequisite. The rest could follow. Since I couldn't date until I was 18 and chose NOT to date until I was 18, my little heart got involved.


I was never good at guarding my heart. I always got involved way to easily. I was the perfect example of remaining pure, yes, but my heart was always involved from the start, ignoring my mom's advice to "Guard my heart." (My mom would always say, you're not dating, but you're emotionally involved. How true.) I hadn't realized just how important it is to guard your heart. And while I have only gotten hurt about 2 times, it was the worst two times of my life. My heart broke. Well, not completely. Maybe scarred a little. Some cracks. If I would have gone on with some of the relationships, I think that my heart would have been broken a lot more. It amazes me when I look back and see God watching out for me, picking up the pieces, and tugging me in a new direction that I didn't want to take, because I wanted to follow my traitorous, human, romantic-idea-filled heart. 


These couple of weeks, I've actually ignored my heart and listened to the voice in my head. God helped me do stuff that I could not have done on my own, because, jeez, I wanted a real relationship. And while my heart may be a little cracked, it is far better than what may have been. And while my heart could be filling with bitterness, I can't go down that path again. First of all, I was the one who chose this. It just sucks when you realize that a person is not what they seemed to be. It is amazing how easily you fall for lines they give you. He was everything I had dreamed of. He was a great guy, but I just didn't know him that well. Yet, I cannot...I refuse to be bitter. That path almost destroyed my life, and I refuse to enter into satan's little game and go there. 


Being as I haven't been in a lot of relationships, it's understandable that I was taken in. But...honestly...I don't want to be a cynic on love either. I don't want to be hardened by life. Because I know that that wasn't love. Not the kind I want, at least. And while I've been trying to stop searching for it and let it come to me. In the meanwhile, working on guarding my heart and staying physically AND emotionally pure is going to be my goal. And when I give this all to Jesus, this weight on my bruised heart will lift, this burden on my shoulders will cease to be there. 


Seriously, the best advice my mom gave me was to guard my heart and not get emotionally involved. It saves a lot of heartache. Sure, you may have some disappointment, but at least your heart will be intact. 


I know. It is so friggin' hard, I just wanna give up. But it will be worth it in the end. God knows the desires of my heart and He longs to give them to me. But am I ready for them? I think He knows that I'm not, though my heart is screaming "Give it to me! I want the love of a lifetime!" (Firehouse is awesome) And I know it is SOO cliche, but for now, my only love of a lifetime will be my Jesus. And even when he does bring my so-on-fire-for-God, handsome, real, amazing, love of a lifetime into my life, Jesus will always be my First Love. 


Until then. I'm going to be trying to guard my heart. And encourage my friends and family to do the same. And I encourage you to do the same. You want to give your whole, healthy heart to your husband, not one that is torn and some pieces belong to Mark in Minnesota. 


Thanks for reading my emotional rantings. :)

A Plea For My Generation...

Last night was such a powerful night, as the youth group poured forth their praise, showing God that they were indeed hungry for His presence. One thing Ben said was "Hunger attracts the presence of God." I mean, how true is that? If we just go in, and sit around, doing nothing at all to invite God in...we're not going to get anything. We have to WANT His presence, His sweet aroma! 

Lately, I have been thinking about the ministry that God is wanting me to start. It is all coming real and so close. After I go to Bethel Church in Redding, California, this fall, I'm going to come back to my hometown and start up a youth ministry/music venue. God is giving me all of these cool, awesome ideas for it and it is all starting to come together (At least in my mind!) 

But one thing I absolutely know I want...God has been giving me an insatiable desire for my generation to know love. Real love. HIS love. And once they do, to go out and spread it and spread His presence, to live in His presence and bring it with them everywhere they go. To bathe in His river of Glory and Peace and Presence. It's going to be a ministry, yes, but it is also going to be sort of a training center, to send out kids, JUST IN THEIR HOMETOWN to be a light...in their schools, their work...

Anyways. That's my babbling for the day.:) Have a stupendous rest of the week filled with God's Presence.:)

Heart like Jesus.

You ask me what I love most. This is my answer: to be in the Presence of God. I don't ever want to leave it and I don't have to. I bring it with me wherever I go. But there are those times, when it is so thick that the only thing you can do is go down on your knees and worship the king of glory. 

What kind of love is this, that I will willingly follow Him anywhere...anywhere He goes? I've always said I love God with my whole heart...but I realized, I haven't given Him my full heart yet. 

My blog name is "Faint with love for my Beloved." I don't think I actually became faint with love for Him until today, as I was worshipping him...and his love like a hurricane was roaring through me, where I couldn't see anything, hear anything, think about anything other than my Jesus. His glory just completely...ahh. That's what it is like, giving Him your full heart. And I don't want to do it any other way now. After being in that place, there is NO going back, whatsoever.

A revolution. And satan can't do anything in his meaningless power to stop it.

He is jealous for me...

I may be slightly prejudiced when I say I love my pastor--he's my dad. :) But I sincerely love it when he preaches...you would think I'd be sick of him talking, but when he gets up there, he just lets God lead him. It's so awesome.

Anyways. Onto my blog, which by the way, is inspired by my dad's last sermon!
______________________________________________________________

There is a jealousy in the love of God that won't allow us to have any other lovers that keep us from Him. I just didn't realize how much until He totally broke down some crap in my life and revealed my "lovers" to me. I just had to give it all the Him and say "Here. Destroy them. I want nothing...nothing at all, but You." One of the questions my dad asked that completely pierced my heart was this: "Will you allow Jesus to become ruthless and destroy any other lovers that keep you from Him?" It made me realize how much Jesus means to me. 

As I was allowing these other lovers into my life, my relationship with my heavenly Daddy was decreasing. I was putting my time and effort into this other relationship rather than into the most important one. You could see it in my attitude. And I have to let those other lovers go. It's so hard. 

One of the things that Dan Knottley said was "He's God, He shouldn't have to shout...He should have the floor at all times." God had to shout to get my attention. I ignored His gentle, quiet whispers. I had to wait until He shouted and my heart was hurt a little, until I listened. I don't want that.

I want to be so in tune with my Jesus, that when it is the quietest whisper, I listen with my whole heart. 

Anyways. He is jealous for you. Don't allow any other lovers to come between you and Him.<3

My Prince

This is a poem I wrote...about...4 months ago? I haven't found my prince,(Not that I know of.:-p) but this is kinda what I came up with. It's going against the flow of "romantic" stories and books and movies. Sorry, I COMPLETELY suck at poems. 100% suck. :-)


The butterflies in her stomach eased
As he looked into her eyes
With that look of his
He leaned forward
And their lips met
Fireworks didn't explode
And her heart didn't stop beating
Everything stayed the same
But on the inside, she was changed
She was no longer a little girl
Dreaming of her prince
She was a grown woman
And she had found him
He wasn't in shining armor
like when she had dreamed
but rather had a few rusty spots
That had been cleaned
His honor shone through that armor
His valor like no other
He made mistakes
But had a Daddy who forgave
This was her prince
And he was so much better
than the ones in her dreams 
and fairy tales.


________
Aaand that's it.:-) I think...that society holds the bar either way to high or way too low...find your prince, he will be perfect! I've settled for that fact that no man, no matter how gorgeous or in love with God he is, is perfect. I gotta let that dream go; I have to let go of these fairy tales, the stories I read in books and see in movies. It is amazing how much of my thinking on romance is completely based off of movies and books that I read. That's how I based my emotions. RIDICULOUS. I'm still holding out for my prince, but I'm not expecting fireworks to go off, either in my head or real, when he first kisses me.


On the other hand, society's view of princes can be tarnished COMPLETELY. The bad boy. The bad boy that all the girls want. I don't want a BA boy either. He has to be humble and loving and love kids! Sure, he can ride a motorcycle (hehe), but drop that whole bad boy act. 


Anyways. Ravings of this late night must come to an end. Have a great night filled with dreams from/of our Heavenly Father.:)


~Rachel Mae~

In my secret place, I find peace...

Lately, God has just been giving me creativity and I've been writing. I may or may not share some of it on here, but I hope that I will be writing on this blog more often. I find it freeing. This is how I can express myself. Anyways! Back to what I want to write about...

A guest speaker came to our Saturday Night Fire services last Saturday. He is an amazing, humble, great guy. Everything--and I mean, EVERYTHING--he said completely spoke to my heart.

He spoke about peace. And finding peace in your secret place--your place where you go to be alone with God. To settle back and rest and to not worry! This is somewhat of a big issue for me. Relationships in my life that I have been constantly worrying about, so much that they were invading my dream time and making "Sleeping peacefully" non-existent.

My secret place with God is where I will truly learn to be like Him...to have His glory shine on me. I want to be more like Jesus. This man was also talking about how Jesus healed from being peaceful and restful. He did not exert any effort in healing people. It happened when he commanded healing and it came, because of His ability to find rest wherever he went . Sorry, I'm just blabbing out my thoughts as they come, so if this is hard to understand, I apologize.

One of the things he said was this: "The only storm you have authority in is the one you sleep through" the one you have rest in. (Bill Johnson actually said that...Dan just quoted him.:))

I bawled through his whole message. It was as if God was saying "Rachel..this is for you. I love you"

I am so glad to serve a God..not serve, WORSHIP, ADORE, LOVE ON, a God who cares so much for everyone. While we were still sinners, He loved us. So how much more does he love us when we are His children? Awesome awesome awesome.

Thanks for putting up with my random, emotion-filled babbling. I appreciate it.:-)

There is nothing that I desire more...

People ask me everyday what I want most out of life. I answer with a stereotypical and vague answer. To be happy. To get married one day. Have kids. Make a difference. And while those things are important, they are not the source of burning desire within me. They're not the things that inspire me get up each morning to face a day filled with challenges...not always, but sometimes. I do want to make a difference in the world. It sounds so optimistic and unreal. But I do...I want to make a difference, whether it be in one persons life or a thousand lives.
Yet the very thing that burns within me, that was placed in me when I was made. It is to serve and love my Father, my Jesus Christ every single day. To get up with purpose and to make His Glory known everywhere I go. I desire to be a carrier of His light and love. I desire to get closer to Him each and every day that I am alive. Just by letting Him shine through me is making a difference in someones life.
I am not satisfied with simplistic answers. I am not satisfied with getting up each day for work and school and just going through the motions, think that one day...one day I'll make a difference. One day Christ will shine through me. I don't want to wait for that day. That day is here, that day is now. My relationship with my Daddy grows every day. I desire a relationship with Him that Moses had...to have His glory shine on my face so brightly! Getting up every day, thinking of it as a chore...I'm not going to get that relationship with Him in that way.
Every day, I desire more and more of my Lord. Having a relationship, getting married...those things desired are minuscule compared to this. Sure...I do want a relationship. Sure, I want to be successful. But to have His glory shine everywhere I go...nothing can compare. To have Heaven on Earth...NOTHING can compare.
I hope that this desire burns within you as well. The people I most respect...Dave Weigel, Sue Weigel, Randy Dean, Brad Kehn, Bill Johnson...I know that it burns in them too. They inspire me so much, but not as much as that man called Jesus who walked on this earth, as a man, and carried glory all around Him, everyday, all the time and had a relationship with God that was just...incredible.

Hello

Hello! Wow, it has been quite a while since I have written on here. I miss it, truly. This is going to be a poorly written, jumbled up ramble from this past year. I apologize.

God is doing so much in me. Over the past few years, I have had so much hate and anger in me and God has taken that away. Whoever thinks that we can do it by ourselves...needs help. I say that as respectfully as I can.

With all this talk of the world ending in 2012 and loss of hope, I have found a whole sun-shiney closet full of hope in Jesus Christ. Hey, if the world does end, I'm going up to heaven! But I refuse to listen to such rantings of crazy people. (Again...no offense if you're one of them..ya just gotta get your head on right.(:)

There are so many people who I admire and who have helped ...birth? me into this happy, joy-filled, warm, loving life filled with a loving, living God. I have to shout-out to Randy Dean, Bill Johnson and a lot of the people from Bethel Church, and my parents. They are so amazing and my daddy keeps giving me tidbits of wisdom. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't thank God for having amazing parents who know what it feels like to go through a crappy time in your life and know that you can overcome it by leaning on God.

What never fails to sober me, though, is the worlds quest for a savior in the physical form, one that can bring peace, one that can talk smoothly and charm it up. A false savior. When tragedy happens, instead of turning to the one true God, they turn to a second, the second best (well.so they think. ha) When he fails, what then? Who are we going to turn to? God is trying to get our attention, but we don't listen. We don't pay attention. As a person who ignored God and refused to lean on him, because I wanted to lean on a guy or a person who was cool, I know the wrongness of this. God brought me down on my knees, because of my stubbornness, my refusal to see God as GOD. It was my own circumstances that brought me to him. I HAD CAUSED IT.

I love joy. I love having this everlasting peace. I wish the same thing for America and I know that they wish for it too. Then, hey...please quit trying everything on for your own pleasure.

Love you guys! Have a great, sun-shine-in-the-middle-of-November day! May Joy and Peace and Rest and Wisdom fill you up as you (I hope!) seek the Truth of the creation of this world and a God who truly loves.

Love will overcome Fear

Lately, I have been really fearful. My brother, Jon, is in Iraq right now. Technically, he's safer now than he was 3 years ago when he went to Iraq, but the enemy is really trying to break my faith in God that He will keep Jonny safe. 

And the thought keeps coming back...love WILL overcome fear. Fear is from satan and love is from God. God will always beat satan. 

I'm really trying to trust that God will protect my brother(s) while they're serving their country, making sure that we will stay free.

Please be praying for me about this. Thanks guys.:-)

Miracles!

Well I haven't been on here for quite a time. I usually blog on Facebook. ha.

This past year, I've been to Redding, California two times: once in January and once in May. If you don't know what's going on there, I will tell you!

Bethel church, in Redding, is Bill Johnsons church. This is an amazing humble man who leads a church in bombarding heaven with prayers for healing. I went on a treasure hunt (more on that later) and saw two ladies healed. Then, I came back to where I live and miracles are happening in my youth group, my church, my circle of friends! It's so amazing what God can do. I love Him so much! 

God today IS the God of 2000 years ago! He STILL heals the sick, he STILL raises the dead! He's merciful and forever forgiving! And we, His children, can show God through us. We can heal the sick, BUT ONLY WITH GOD IN US. It's NOT us healing the sick...it's Christ in me, THE HOPE OF GLORY!!!!! 

Lately, I've been seeing so much oppression on Christians. Non-believers are striking out towards us. A minister on youtube had to take down his account, because he received a threat from radical muslims threatening to kill him and harm his family. That's sooooo not right!

YET, I'm also seeing hearts turned towards Jesus like mad! People are seeing these miracles and asking about this God who cares enough about us to heal us! WOOT!!!! 

These are crazy times, my friends. But Christ in Us, the Hope of Glory (Love that verse!), we shall overcome. 

God bless you!

Perfection

Perfection. A word that I hate, yet the same word that I'm obsessed with, the word that I think I have to be.

I'm not perfect. Big surprise there huh? But I want to be a missionary; how am I going to talk to people when I've barely done anything with my life, when my life seems to have gone smoothly, no troubles whatsoever? That's something I think about every night.

I grew up in a christian home, went to church every Sunday, and want people to think I have it together. I encourage people and pretend that I have the answers and try to never let anyone see me cry.

But I have my demons. My childhood wasn't perfect.Yes, I had the best parents ever and I was loved; but I've always looked for other love, as though Jesus' wasn't enough. I act like I'm so in love with Jesus and the truth is, I'm trying still to fall in love with him, but there are so many distractions. I act like he's my only love while the truth is...I have other loves. I hide them so deeply, that only God can see them. I have my temptations.

I try to hard to be unique, yet I am unique. I don't even know myself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to figure it out. I lie to myself, telling myself that my life is happy...and sometimes it is. But I want MORE. I DO want to fall in love with God. I want more of Him. But I don't know how to get it. I know, I know, read the Bible and pray every day...but I don't GET the Bible...I try to understand it. I don't know every verse. I don't know everything that a PK should.

GAHHHH this isn't coming out the way I want it to. I'm saying...I want more of God. And I want peace.