Regrets and Hopes

I wish just once I had gone to prom.

I wish just once I could have given up money
In order to hang with my friends
That I probably will rarely see soon

I wish just once
That I had stopped being so closeminded
and seen the handwriting on the wall
Instead of what I wanted to see


I wish just once I could have stopped judging
and started loving


I wish just once
That I could have stopped my insecurities
And left that person a note that said
"God loves you"
not caring if it sounded cheesy or was "Religious"
But it was the truth
Before they died. 

I wish just once
That I could have stayed better friends
with that one person
Who brought me out of my shell


I wish just once
That I could have slowed down
And enjoyed my life
In every season


I hope in the future
That I have the courage
and bravery
To love and to allow myself to be loved.


I hope in the future 
I'll have the guts to say
"Hey. I don't like you. Back off"


I hope in the future 
not too soon off
I can finally accept that I did the best I could
And to let go of my regrets


I hope in the future
That I can finally
Let go of my burden
And cry my eyes out
And allow my heart to be healed 
of the crap I've let inside


I hope someday
in the future
I can look my best friends in the eyes
and say
"I love you
but quit what you're doing
because it's ruining your life"


I hope someday in the future
I can look my husband in the eyes
and see
And feel
True love
The icky, mushy, kind
that still has problems
But we work over it.


I hope someday in the future
I can teach my generation
to love
How I learned to love
From my parents
from my siblings
from my teachers
From my Jesus. 


I have a lot of regrets, some serious, some not.
But I have bigger hopes. I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb. I feel hope. These raging seas can't drown me. I won't let them drown me. And while I feel like I might drown in my tears tonight, for whatever reason I cannot fathom, tomorrow will be a new day


Bright
And sunny
and brimming over with hope
And faith.